gifting in 2025
a belated gift guide & how my opinion changed on gifts
I originally wrote most of this gift guide & reflection at the end of 2023. I decided to revisit it and send it out this year as I'm thinking again about gift giving, especially in preparation for co-teaching a class called Gift Interfaces at SFPC. I know this is after typical gift-giving season, but I actually like how it might encourage gift-giving as a all-season practice—concepted and given whenever the feeling strikes, rather than a ritual that can be complicated with obligations and status during typical holiday season.
You'll receive my traditional end-of-year-reflection & look-forward in the next couple weeks. Wishing you love, luck, and the liberty to accomplish what you yearn for in 2025.
—Spencer
fallen Gingko leaves in water at the Japanese tea garden
I write to you from a tea shop with ample desk space. Cars of all shapes roll in and out of the Asian plaza in Chinatown. This place has fond memories for me—it's where I spent a lot of time in college whenever we took breaks from studying in search of a good meal and snacks. I'm in Houston for the next few days for the holidays. On the plane home, I carried a tote bag with handmade ceramic gifts wrapped in a hodgepodge of spare shirts and sweaters. That was the most sustained care and attention I had given any object lately—making sure it stayed upright going through the security scanner, guarding it between my legs on the plane and gingerly swinging it out of narrow passageways. In the end, the goods made it back mostly intact for me to re-wrap them in more fitting seasonal paper.
One of my favorite things to read during this time of year is the gift guides that various people with very distinctive tastes will deviate from their regularly scheduled programming to release. Sometimes, reviews of products feel more intimate than personal writing, revealing specific everyday preferences and habits of the authors that would never come up in a traditional essay. Robin's guides always feature a nice variety of high-quality perishables and hand-crafted everyday objects that you can treasure for a lifetime. Laurel's shares friends' reflections on gift-giving interspersed with one-of-a-kind objects sure to give you a new way of seeing the world.
I'm setting my ambitions high by using those two as my models, but I think that's the level of care that gift-giving deserves. I've traditionally been quite bad at giving gifts. If I didn't know for sure what someone wanted, I would get stuck in a mental dilemma: part of me felt an obligation to give something and another part didn't want to give something that they would rarely (if ever) use or appreciate. After witnessing some wonderful gifts that friends have given and through years of trial and error, I've realized how sacred and intimate gifting is and that it's a skill that you can actually work on.
Gift-giving requires a careful attention to how people spend their days and their perspective on the world. Understanding what to gift someone also means you understand them more as a person, forming the foundation for a better relationship. It's also an incredible feeling when you see the gift you've given display proudly in their home or used over and over again in their daily lives. When you give a good gift, it's almost like you're giving a piece of yourself away, an object (or memory!) that represents the careful attention and care of your bond.
I'm reminded of Leia Chang's what identities do you choose to wear? that I saw at their Artist Showcase at Gray Area. The piece features handcrafted rings to fit their fingers, composed of a meaningful raw material encased in resin. Wearing the ring automatically activates the wearer's relationship with that material for that day. When you give a gift that can be interacted with or used, you're presented with the opportunity to create a similar kind of object for someone, a small reminder of you in their daily lives.
For receiving gifts, I've found that you can make it easier for others to give you something that you will definitely enjoy and use. Taylor (of taylor.town) recommends making a public /wish page (or just regular old public wishlists for those without websites). I've started doing this in an are.na channel that I add to whenever I see something that I want but don't need from my phone. If you already collect certain kinds of things, you can simply publicize that to those who care about you, and they can always give you something that will fit in your collection (may I suggest perhaps by using Gather)
On one hand, you might think that acts of service are better than piling onto our society's collective obsession over materialism. On the other hand, objects are precious and grow their own faces, the deeper a bond you form with them. Gifting someone an object that grows to have this kind of relationship with the recipient can be a transformative offering.
the everyday
these colorful earplugs that I wear almost every night when I sleep. These have the perfect balance of comfort and sound isolation that are great for a light sleeper. thank you to S for recommending these
a tiny scale which I use every morning for weighing out my coffee beans for my daily Aeropress. It's cheap and accurate, which makes it useful for other weight-sensitive projects like mixing epoxy for kintsugi. thank you to someone on the /r/coffee subreddit for recommending these.
MOGICS bagel universal power strip a tiny universal power strip that also has the benefit of looking like a bagel. thank you to Sb for bringing this on a trip and demonstrating its qualities so well that I immediately ordered one.
a good functional bag. This is going to be a personal choice, but I recommend looking in thrift shops for ones with unique styles, lots of pockets, or interesting color combinations. Don't waste your money on a tote with a single graphic and a single big pocket. If it's going to be something you carry around often, find one with some personality. I really, really love this green-orange FILA tote I thrifted in Kyoto for $4
these hot water bottles give a great cheap luxury experience if you live in a cold home. My new home in the sunset is much much colder than my old place in the mission, and we try to avoid running the heater too much because the gas bill gets crazy.
the personal
a found flower arrangement. go for a walk around your favorite parks and pick a few flowers and leaves that catch your eye. When you get home, assemble them in a small vase or glass until it looks right or tie their stems together. Bring to your intended recipient.
a letter to tell them about a moment that made you think of them, or why you're grateful for them, or what you admire about them. ideally composed on some piece of ephemera that is meaningful to both of you.
a digital postcard. the same as above but composed digitally, sent over whatever platform used most in the relationship, perhaps resurfacing an old message that you still hold onto. See Laurel’s instructions for doing this well.
a color that resonates with their aura or maybe a vibe you want to wish for them in the new year—perhaps one you find on clock.spencer.place
the beautiful
Madness, Rack, and Honey by Mary Ruefle—a gorgeous book. I often stopped to try as hard as I could to absorb passages into my very being. I'm probably due for a re-read (thank you to J for the recommendation). I recommend going to your local bookstore to pick up a copy :)
Making of Prince of Persia—I gifted my copy to A a few years back, but I still think about this book and Jordan's story. It's one of my biggest inspirations for my indie lifestyle—his journey of creating and working on all aspects of a game from a dream and all the ups and downs that come with living (and trying to make a living from) a creative life.
a table that refracts light: I suppose this is only good if you live in a sunny place with direct sunlight, but watching the light reflections in my room over the passing day (and how it changes over the passing seasons) is one of my favorite activities.
the trendy
a clear casio watch. this is a fitting entry given that I received mine as a gift from A over a year ago now. I've also encountered several others with the exact same watch and it's always a nice bonding moment. I never wore a watch daily until I got this one, and it just works with every outfit and is so easy to slip on.
Professor E. I have long searched for Taiwanese fashion brands that I resonate with in perhaps a subconscious effort to honor my heritage. I found a combination of daring experimentation and attention to quality in Professor E. My visit to Taipei in April yielded my first pieces, and I've been stunned by the details from the inside detailing and seams all the way down to the packaging.
an old silver ring. I've started to thrift old silver rings when I go traveling. The material properties of these precious metals are still a wonder to me—how our natural oils keep them shiny and how they can be restored through lots of damage. These make a perfect re-gifting present, too.
the experiential
an experimental perfume sample. I have to be honest, I keep going back and forth about whether I'm "just not a fragrance person," but I find the world of fragrance fascinating in all the creativity and passion that goes into it. I’ve finally found a few scents I enjoy, and I particularly like the experience of tuning how well my nose can discern specific aspects. Give something you think matches their character or something that will surprise them. I've been enjoying ones from P.Seven from Taipei and To Summer from China.
a kintsugi kit was my first introduction to the world of ceramics, and it was oddly satisfying to mend pieces I had dropped (even as my kintsugi was done very poorly by my standards). I'd recommend a set that does it the traditional way, like the one linked.
What are the most meaningful gifts you've ever given or received? What are your go-to gift mediums? I'd especially love to hear these days as the first day of class for Gift Interfaces, taught by Elan and I, begins in a couple weeks! Feel free to reply with your story or leave your story as a comment.
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Some of the most meaningful gifts I received were from mentors who traveled abroad. My art teacher would bring small tokens of the culture - like bookmarks - which expanded my horizons as a kid who had not traveled much. Another gift was a silver bracelet with malachite from Mexico. It was especially thoughtful because my favorite color is green. On the more ephemeral side my Kindergarten teacher brought back a cooler full of snow for the class when I lived in Florida and had never seen any. I still remember the wonder of it.
a delightful newsletter, really loved the suggestions! i didn’t think a casio could look so tempting, as i was always a bit drawn away from their wider designs. i think a practical kit is a wonderful idea too.
my favorite gifts to give are definitely experiential, especially food. i adore buying loved ones gourmet sweets, thinks i know they haven’t tried or seen before, or making exciting new decadent recipes. meanwhile, i love receiving homemade or “interactable” gifts, as you said. i collect earrings, which makes for a very easy gift, and i love putting on pairs loved ones have given me, styling myself to them, and feeling that connection. no surprise that my absolute favorite pairs are handmade earrings!